Dieters are getting desperate. This was brought to my attention by a Japanese article somewhat humorously titled: “???????????????????????“, which translates to: “Can you really diet with a purposefully difficult to use fork?” Well, apparently the maker thinks so… check out their website. This is ridiculous.

It reminds me of my sister’s experience setting up a hospital’s pilot dietary medicine program a while back. All these fatties would come into her office and tell her “Hi, I’m a disgusting fat body and I won’t change my habits… ever… its genetic anyway and I heard about 10 other excuses for my life-long neglect of my own health on Oprah, so I don’t have to take responsibility. So anyway, you’re a doc, make me skinny. NOW!”

My sister is a gentle person and very focused on helping people most of the time (when she’s not telling me I’m a bad person for having lived my life my own way), so she would tell these beanbags that they might want to consider cutting down on overall caloric intake, etc. which prompts the instant retort that they heard they can eat all the fat and meat they want, so long as they lay off the French fries, bread, pasta, etc. She would try so hard to explain to these melty creatures that they are grossly misinterpreting the Atkins Diet, that it might not even work that well and possibly really screw up your blood levels, etc. but they just want none of it.

They want a skinny pill… Much like a lot of the uneducated folks I deal with in the Lost World (read as: Sri Lanka, Southern Philippines, Iraq, anywhere in Africa, -insert other fucked up place here-) who want a “broken arm pill” or an invincibility potion or some good old fashioned black magic, American style. For real, people have come to me with broken arms in 3rd World Countries asking for a pill that will make it better right away, or think that scenes from sci-fi movies are real American current medical technology. Whew…

When will fatties realize they just have to eat less? Its not even that hard! If you exercise and eat less, you lose weight, look good and have a lot more energy. You don’t even have to skip meals!

Oh well… Whatever… I’m beating a dead fatty now, I know. The only thing that will teach these margarine monsters a lesson is to let them teach their kids the same excess (which they already do, just walk down the street in Atlanta and count the fat kids who are likely already developing diabetes before age 15… and then count how many times you overhear someone compliment their parents and say “You got a healthy lookin’ kid there!”) and then watch their kids die of formerly old fat people diseases before they hit 30. Rough lesson, but that’s where we’re headed.

Another thing I’d like to point out… genetics plays into this none at all. When I go to poor countries full of starving people, they are all skinny. Like Bangladesh or Afghanistan. But when I go to the US or Europe and see genetically similar people, they tend to be pretty fat if they grew up there, and then blame it all on genetics. Yeah, right. If the genetic argument is true, then the world has somehow filled itself with people from highly diverse genetic backgrounds who hold the same insta-fatty gene within 30 years. Amazing. Its like X-Men, but with shitty superpowers that handicap you instead of make you fly and shoot lasers from your eyes.

The genetic argument for being fat is equivalent to saying that if I put a fatty in Auschwitz back in the good old days when murdering innocent Jews was in fashion, as opposed to today where apologizing for Muslim terrorists is en vogue, the fatty would starve to death and die fat. Sorry, I’m not buying it. I’ve seen a lot of starving people, and they were all pretty thin.

Went off on a bit of a rant on melty creatures (fat people) today, but for good cause. Hopefully if you’re fat and you read this, you’ll get interested in doing what you know you should do: eat a little less and exercise more. If you’re curious how to achieve that shift in your life, send me an email at thegiantpotato@linuxmail.org Seriously. I’m not just an asshole, I would help you with advice if you’d listen… what pisses me off is that so many fatties complain about being a walking beanbag but won’t do anything about it. If you like being fat, like eating, accept the health problems that entails and can be a jolly fat friend (every group needs one!) instead of a depressed butter beastie, then cool. Have it your way. But don’t complain about being fat, dream of running like the gazelle, and then blame this all on the hand you’ve been dealt in life because you’ve got “big genes”. Pheh…

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